It is perhaps...

...with some concern that I write to you now - after these five weeks have passed - with reference to my recent delivery; you understand why I use that word lightly I am sure.

I was assured by your good colleague over seven weeks ago that the cargo would have been contained in excellent condition with ample and sufficient provisions for her to have made the long, but none the less necessary journey. It is fair to say that based upon our more recent correspondence you will agree with me that this is not the case.

Whilst I understand the savage and hostile conditions that the items concerned have been acquired from, I still do not agree with your previous assertions with regards to the bindings required and I do sincerely believe that if you were to witness at first hand the cuts and lesions that greeted me upon that initial unveiling you would be simply flabbergasted and disgusted with what you so laughably refer to as your premium service.

With this in mind, and taking into account the obvious time constraints that the healing of such injuries naturally adhere to, it is with sadness and some regret that I have had to return the package to you; with the sincere hope that you will refund in entirety the deposits made. I am also requesting - via additional legal channels - the full cost of the damages that have arisen from this unfortunate incident; both professionally and financially.

I quite clearly stated to you before we made any movement with this transaction that to not be married by the 22nd of September would result in myself having to forfeit the estate. Because of your constant errors and failures I have now had to settle for a far more gregarious and time-consuming companion; the very reasons for which I made attempts to purchase one from the outer-lands originally.

I await with much anticipation your proposals for settlement.